May There Be Abundant Peace From Heaven
by wordscreatereality
Summary: A drabble series about Season 3. The chapters will be primarily Olicity based. Here be spoilers.
1. Chapter 1

**Notes: Here be spoilers. If you haven't watched 3x01 or seen the previews for 3x02 and you don't want to be spoiled, please stop reading now.**

**One shot speculation on how Sara's death will impact Felicity's decision making when it comes to her partnership with Oliver.**

**The Arrow characters and universe do not belong to me.**

Felicity was hunched over Oliver's work table examining an arrow under a magnifying glass. She was doing her best not to dwell on the fact that the arrow was recently removed from Sara or that her friend's body was laying on their med table less than ten feet away. She was becoming increasingly frustrated as she could find nothing on the arrow that would help them track down Sara's murderer. Felicity had hoped she'd be able to give Oliver and the others something to go on when they returned.

Oliver, John and Roy were currently disinterring the empty casket from the grave that had been created seven years prior when Sara was presumed dead at sea. Laurel had gone to see her father who was staying in the hospital overnight for observation. Team Arrow plus Laurel had made the decision to hide Sara's death from her parents and the League, at least until they figured out who ended her life. Laurel feared that her dad's heart couldn't take losing his youngest daughter again, not after he'd just gotten her back. Oliver was concerned for Captain Lance's health too, but his reasoning was more logistical. He didn't want Nyssa and the League of Assassins descending on Starling City and wreaking havoc as they looked to avenge Sara's death. Once they determined who was responsible, then they'd let Nyssa know. Laurel said, she didn't know when or if she could ever tell her parents.

The sound of a cell buzzing drew Felicity's attention to her friend. Rising from her stool, she approached Sara. Felicity hesitated only a moment before she reached into Sara's corset and removed the cell phone that was nestled within her cleavage. The caller identification was blocked and Felicity powered off the phone. She didn't want anyone tracing Sara back to the foundry. She placed the phone on her computer table, hopeful that she'd be able to recover something that would help them in their investigation.

Turning her attention back to Sara, Felicity decided it was bad enough they were going to bury her under the cover of darkness, they weren't going to do it with her bloody and dressed as an assassin. Standing over her friend, Felicity decided she would tend to her wounds first. She gently removed Sara's corset, as if she feared waking her from a nap. Felicity cleaned the three puncture wounds on her chest and abdomen before she sutured them closed. She sewed tiny neat stitches into her friend's flesh even though she knew they would never heal nor would Sara need to worry about new scars. The woman who had once felt nauseous at the sight of blood or faint in the presence of needles didn't show any squeamishness as she examined the back of Sara's head. She did her best to sew the wound closed and covered the rest with a square of gauze. Retrieving a wash cloth and basin of warm water from the bathroom, Felicity began to clean Sara's body and wash the blood from her hair. When she finished, Felicity dumped the contents of her emergency go bag onto Oliver's bed. She selected a long floral sundress and a white cardigan to bury Sara in. She dressed Sara as she apologized for the selection saying that she knew that it wasn't exactly her style but it was the best she could offer under the circumstances. She then blew Sara's hair dry and did her best to style it in the soft waves her friend favored. Felicity picked up the gray blanket that she so often draped around her guys whenever they'd been injured or herself when she was cold. As she held it to her chest she realized that it smelled like her - and Oliver. For a moment, Felicity allowed herself be comforted by the scent. She wrapped Sara's body in the blanket, but couldn't bring herself to cover the other blonde's face. Exhausted from the exertion, Felicity dropped back into her computer chair and began to cry.

Three hours later, Felicity was back in the foundry, alone. Sara had been buried in the dark with only Team Arrow and Laurel in attendance. They had each said their good-byes to their sister and friend and then all went their separate ways. John, Roy and Laurel said they were going home, Oliver wanted to go on patrol and Felicity returned to the foundry so she could try and get something from Sara's cell. Checking her team's trackers, she confirmed that John and Roy were home, but Laurel was walking along the waterfront. Oliver's tracker indicated that he was only minutes away from returning to the lair.

Felicity checked the progress on her attempt to decrypt Sara's phone. She knew as soon as Oliver returned there would be another confrontation. They hadn't spoken about the status of their relationship or friendship since he kissed her. Before she had received the call informing her that Sara was gone, she had made up her mind about what she was going to do. Sara's death had temporarily changed her plans. Finding Sara's killer was more important than her own feelings or needs.

The sound of Oliver descending the stairs had her standing up. She was nervous about being alone with him and hated herself for feeling that way. "What are you still doing here?" He asked. Felicity did her best to ignore the anger in his tone.

"I'm working to decrypt Sara's cell." Seeing the question on his face. "She had it on her." She watched him put his bow away and remove his quiver. "Are you okay? I mean, none of us are okay, but you're not planning on doing anything stupid, right?" At the best of times Oliver took crazy risks, in the emotional state he currently was in, she feared that crazy risks would become stupid chances.

"Until we know more, there isn't anything for me to do, stupid or not." He moved into her personal space. "Are you okay? We haven't really talked since the hospital." The tenderness and concern in his voice convinced her that her decision was the right one. His love for her was now a knife through her heart.

"I don't think now is the time to discuss this." Oliver hung his head at her words. "What do you want me to say? You've made up your mind. Is there anything I can say to change it?"

"Tell me you forgive me and that we're okay." The look in his eyes made her heart ache. He was clearly in pain, but she could only worry about her own. If she continued to live on the promise of his maybes it would destroy her.

"I forgive you, Oliver. I know you think you're making the right decision, but you're a fool. It took you nearly two years to ask me out, but after one bad date," okay she knew that the RPG attack was more than just a bad date, but it still wasn't his fault, "you're willing to just walk away. You're not even looking to try and give us a shot. We've always found another way and we could've found a way to make this work, together. You're the bravest man I know, but you're a coward. You're letting your fears control you and make decisions for you." Tears were falling from both their eyes. "I love you, but I can't live down here in the dark with you. I can't be around you knowing how we feel about one another, wondering if you'll ever realize that you made a mistake. I need to try to make some type of life for myself. Once we find Sara's killer, I'm done. I'm walking away from everything." When Felicity first agreed to help Oliver she had said it was only until they found Walter. After they found Walter, she had stayed, but this time she was going to leave, she had to. She returned to her desk and focused on Sara's phone. The sooner they found Sara's killer the sooner they would all be able to begin to heal. She could feel Oliver staring at her. She heard him take a shuttering breath and the sound of him walking away.

**Notes: Thank you for reading. This was therapy for me. I don't think I'll ever be over Sara's death.**


	2. 2- The Absence of Color

**Notes: I've decided to continue this as a drabble series. The chapters will only be connected in as much as they are linked to the episodes.**

**Here be spoilers. This chapter is Oliver reflecting on things post 3x02. If you haven't watched the episode and don't want to be spoiled, please stop reading.**

**The Arrow characters and universe do not belong to me.**

Something was different. Something wasn't right. Of course, everything became different and started to go wrong the moment a rocket propelled grenade blew up his first date with Felicity. But this was more than that. Oliver sat at his table pretending to assemble his arrows as he observed Felicity.

It had been a week since they buried Sara. Even after their fight and returning to QC to work for Palmer, Felicity continued to show up for her role on the team. A part of him was jealous that she'd returned to the company because in his head they were going to do that together. All summer he'd pictured celebrating with Felicity by his side as they reclaimed his family's legacy. Not once when he imagined returning to QC did he ever think of doing it alone, Felicity was always with him. Even though his feelings had been hurt, the board's selection of Ray Palmer had been a good thing. So far, Palmer had been good for the company and QC's stock price had made some gains. Oliver was pleased that his former employees had a little more job security under their new management. He was happy that Felicity was getting to do the type of work she loved and had studied for. She'd been wasting her talents at Tech Village and he knew she'd done that for him.

She said that she was doing okay, or at least that's what she told John. She didn't speak to Oliver beyond cursory greetings or to convey information about their evening activities. Gone were the casual touches and the flirty smiles. He knew it would happen after he kissed her and she walked away, he just didn't know it would hurt as much as it does. The only time Felicity still felt like his Felicity was when she was the voice in his ear as he prowled the city streets. She continued to babble in his ear while he rode his bike or while he sat on rooftops observing his targets. She still called his name gently and asked if he was alright after every physical confrontation. At the end of his patrols she still said, "Oliver, come home." But now when she said it the phrase was no longer her way of saying, "Oliver, come back to me." Now the words were a reproach. It was if she were telling him to return to his cave and wait for death. For more than a year, Felicity had been his home and now she was vanishing from his life.

His head flew up at the thought. Vanishing. Fading away. That's what's different. That's what's wrong. Felicity has been fading away right in front of him. Ever since Sara's burial, Felicity's appearance had become more muted. Instead of bright and rich hues, Felicity's wardrobe now consisted of drab olive green, dull grays and black. There were no splashes of color around her waist, on her feet or on her fingernails. The shades of shocking reds and popping pinks on her lips were gone and had been replaced with neutral nudes.

He didn't like it. She was color. She was laughter. She was passion. The woman sitting in front of him was none of these things. Now she was cold professionalism. She was retreating from him and he'd expected that, hell, he'd encouraged it by pushing her away. What had him worried was that she appeared to be retreating from herself.

He chided himself for his ego and self-absorption. Felicity was strong and a fully actualized individual. He could hear her tell him that it was his over-inflated male ego that made him think that the ending of their relationship before it started had caused a change in her personality. When she told him that she was going to get more out of life and not wait with him to die it was a response to Sara's death more than it had been about the way things had ended between them. Death has a way of refocusing one's attention on life. Except, if she was so intent on living why was she dressed like she was attending a perpetual funeral? If she were Thea he'd just chalk it up to trying out a new style. Maybe Felicity was trying something new, but it didn't feel like that to him.

Looking at her sitting in front of her computers dressed in a solid gray dress, surrounded by gray walls and dripping pipes had Oliver desperate to fill his lungs with fresh air. He could feel the walls closing in on him. He thought to himself, _this must be what being buried alive feels like. _Without a word, he ran up the stairs and out the side door into the night. Bending over at the waist he gulped for air. After a minute he could feel his head clearing, but he didn't want to return to the basement to face everything that was waiting for him and the one person who wasn't. The sound of the side door closing drew his attention.

"I'm heading home. Goodnight, Oliver." Diggle said as he walked towards him.

"Thanks, John. Goodnight." Oliver said, hoping he sounded more in control than he felt.

As John passed Oliver, he slapped a newspaper against his chest. Reflexively, Oliver took hold of it. The paper was opened to the classifieds. John had circled ten apartments that Oliver could probably afford. On top of the page John had written a note, **_So don't._**

**Notes: Thank you for reading.**

**So this chapter is the result of seeing Felicity in the olive dress when she accepted the job with Ray at the end of 3x02. I remember thinking to myself that she looked strange, but I couldn't put my finger on it. When I rewatched the episode it struck me that we've never seen her look so muted before. I couldn't decide if the decision was made to dress her that way because of the funeral or if it is a sign that Felicity is trying to reinvent herself. I know that a lot of people have remarked that it is the first time we have seen her in green and that it is her way of staying connected with Oliver. I've never been of the opinion that Oliver would want to see her in green - I don't think it's his favorite color. Green is the mask he wears, it is his camouflage - which is why I think we've never seen her wear the color before. Anyway, that's just my opinion. **

**This series may continue next week if something in the episode needles my brain.**


	3. Assumptions

**Notes: This fic contains spoilers for Season 3.**

**I don't know why, but when Sara died, I assumed her killer was a woman. It could just be that I don't want Sara's life to have been ended by another violent act committed by a man.**

Her feet fell silently against the pavement as she pursued her prey. It had been sloppy of her not to take him out the night he saw her, but she doesn't relish killing and didn't see the harm in letting the drunk go. Unfortunately, the Arrow had been able to identify him as a witness and he was now a vulnerability. Eventually, the Arrow will realize his mistake in letting him go without questioning him further. It was a common mistake when there is a murder, the suspect is always a man. When the witness said,_ This lady, she showed up and she told us to go! Looked like she could handle herself_, the Arrow had assumed he was referring to the Canary, not her executioner.

Arrows have never been her weapon of choice, but when she heard that Komodo was in Starling on a contract, she couldn't resist. She has been following the Arrow follow his leads for a week. The Arrow had literally spun his wheels chasing Lacroix down. She should have left town by now, but she couldn't resist watching the investigation from afar.

She didn't know the Canary was his friend. She doesn't know if it would've made a difference if she had known. Someone else would've taken the contract and the Canary would still be dead and he would still be chasing down leads. There was no one left for him to talk to, which will send him chasing after the origin of the murder weapons. There is nothing to find on that path, other than frustration. She wonders if he will turn to the League for assistance. If he does, he will spend years of his life tracking down every person who could possibly want the Canary dead. The League will just lead him down one dead end after another. The Canary had ended almost as many lives as she had.

It would be nice to stay longer. She hadn't expected to feel nostalgic, but seeing him again brought back memories of happier times, when her family was whole. He seemed unhappy, but she couldn't tell if that was her doing or if the sadness was there before she struck. She was surprised his sadness was effecting her. She hadn't realized that she had such fondness for a man who came in and out of her life without warning.

She almost felt sorry for him. Oliver had always been impatient and quick to judgment, but since she last saw him he had also become more disciplined. His newfound focus was the death warrant for the man staggering in front of her. This Oliver would definitely realize his mistake and come looking for this witness again.

She slipped her blade in between the man's ribs. She would give him a quick death, the same as she gave his drinking companions. She took the man's wallet and his cell. The police won't look too hard at another robbery gone wrong in the Glades and they definitely won't look for a woman. Assumptions, they'll get you every time. She cleaned her blade on the man's pants and made a decision. It was time to leave Starling City. The time for memories was done.


	4. Rooftops

**Notes: Spoilers ahead.**

**How is it that Felicity heard Barry reveal his new ability to Oliver?**

**The Arrow characters and universe do not belong to me.**

Since Felicity had joined Team Arrow she'd become a creature of habit. Oliver and John were forever reminding her to shake up her routine and to make herself unpredictable to anyone watching. She never drove to work the same way twice in a week. She was always aware of her surroundings and tracked cars in her rear view mirror for tails. She wasn't going to be the one that compromised the security of their team. But living a double life made it necessary to establish routines. It was the only way to keep her identities straight and her life manageable. No matter how tired she was before she went to bed, Felicity always laid out her clothes for work , she set the timer on her coffee pot, washed her face, brushed her teeth and checked the team's trackers. She couldn't fall asleep if she didn't know that everyone else was safe and sound.

The nice thing about habits is never having to think. The world could be burning up, but Felicity always takes off her make-up before she puts on her pajamas. That's why she is checking her tablet even though her heart is breaking. She takes comfort from looking after the family that has sprung up around her in the last two years. Despite her grief, she still has to know where everyone is before she can allow herself the indulgence of crying herself to sleep. She always looks for John first. His tracker blinks alongside Lyla's. She imagines them wrapped around one another in Lyla's hospital bed with John's hand draped across their new daughter's basinet. Next, she looks for Lance, he is the only person she tracks without his consent. The Captain is at home and Felicity moves on. Roy is also at home and she hopes he's sleeping. He is pushing himself too hard and looks tired. She makes a mental note to speak to John about it and then takes a sharp breath as she remembers that John has quit the team. Blinking back tears, she looks for Laurel and smiles. Laurel's tracker is blinking alongside Sara's. Sara had called to tell Felicity she was back in town and that she would try to swing by the foundry to catch up. Felicity had tried to sound upbeat, but Sara could tell something was wrong and asked her what was wrong. Felicity had unloaded everything about her date with Oliver and how it had ended in shattered glass and fire. She told Sara that Oliver was running away again, not back to Lian Yu, but retreating behind his self-made walls. Sara had promised to speak with Oliver. After what happened between her and Oliver at the hospital, she was pretty sure Sara hadn't talked to Oliver yet. She was tempted to call Sara and ask her to come over so she'd have a shoulder to cry on, but Laurel's blinking light reminded her that the sisters hadn't seen one another in five months and she could wait another night to share, _Oliver is such an idiot_, stories. Speaking of idiots, Oliver's light blinked at her. Instead of brooding in the foundry, Oliver was downtown near QC.

Felicity quickly checked her system in the foundry looking for whatever police alert had sent Oliver out on patrol. There wasn't a single 911 call or police dispatch to his current location. She reached for her phone and was about to select "1" on her speed dial when she stopped herself. She was torn between her anger and hurt with Oliver and her sense of responsibility to their mission. Felicity knew his head wasn't in the right place and he was out on patrol alone. She was about to call Roy when a text message popped up on her screen. The laugh that escaped her lips was short and full of pain. The text was from Oliver.

_Do you have a comm on you?_

She debated whether or not she should respond. _Yes_

_Turn it on_

_Are you in trouble?_

_No. You just need to hear something _

Felicity had retrieved her comm from her bag after his second text. She popped it in her ear and turned it on. "Oliver, are you there?"

She heard him sigh. "I'm here."

The sound of his feet rhythmically hitting the ground filled her ears. He had started running once she turned her comm on. "What's happening?"

A grunt, followed by a moment of silence and then the sound of him dropping and rolling let her know he was jumping from rooftops. "Everything's fine. I got a call from an old friend. He asked me to meet him. I thought you'd want to listen in." Felicity couldn't begin to imagine who Oliver could possibly be meeting on a rooftop that would remotely interest her. She was about to tell him that she was tired and if he wasn't working she was going to call it a night, when someone called out to Oliver in greeting. The voice was familiar but she couldn't place it. Oliver's response had her dropping her tablet as she rose from her bed. "Did you have a nice nap?"


	5. What if?

**Notes: When your ex comes back from the dead, what kind of questions do you ask yourself late at night? Felicity tortures herself with asking, ****_what if_****?**

**The Arrow characters and universe do not belong to me. **

Felicity's mom likes to say that the two most destructive words in the English language are, "What if?" In her head, Felicity knows that her past cannot be re-written and wondering what might have been if she'd chosen another path will do nothing to alleviate the pain she is feeling now. But her heart, oh how her heart wants a way to stop the pain. Her heart wants a moment in time to focus on, a moment in time where everything could've been different. Her heart wants someone to blame.

_What if Cooper Seldon didn't sit in front of her in her first-year seminar?_

_What if she never agreed to her first date with Cooper?_

_What if she never showed Cooper her super virus?_

_What if Cooper didn't fake his own death?_

That last question, that's the one that's keeping her up at night. She doesn't wonder if they would've stayed together, gotten married and started a family, but she does wonder where she'd be and who she would've become. Being kidnapped by your back from the dead ex doesn't make it easy to find peace or answers, but it does keep you awake thinking about what might have been. As she lays in the dark, staring at the ceiling, Felicity knows that despite his betrayal and death threats, she isn't even all that angry with Coop. What is keeping her up at night is the pain in her chest that makes it hard for her to breath and when she asks herself, _what if Cooper didn't fake his own death?_, the question has very little to do with Coop and everything to do with Oliver. If Cooper hadn't _died_, she's pretty sure she never would've met Oliver. Alone in the darkness with another sleepless night stretching out before her, she wishes she never met Oliver Queen.

The morning after her kidnapping she'd gone to see Oliver. She needed to see him and to hear the sound of his voice. When he stopped himself from approaching her, she could feel the cracks in her heart deepen. She wanted to scream at him. She wanted to shove him or shake him. Anything that would bring her Oliver back. A dark chasm, filled with all his fears and self-doubt, gaped between them. Ever since Sara's death, she'd tried to move forward and create a life for herself outside of the Oliver and Team Arrow. It was about self-preservation. It was about her dignity. It was about fighting for herself when he'd given up. In the past, she'd been the one to fight for him when he'd been ready to surrender, but she didn't know how to make him fight for her, for them. He had to get there on his own, but she had to stop hoping that he would.

The problem wasn't just that he'd taken away her dreams of what could be, but he'd stripped her of her best friend. Oliver was the person she told about her day. He was the first text in the morning and the last one at night. He was her soft landing when the world struck a cruel blow. Over the past five weeks, she's needed him more than she's ever needed him before, but he's become a passing shadow in her life, a form without substance. She knows that he needs her too, but even though he is looking at her with such longing and regret he is still holding onto his choice. He has planted his flag of solitude, causing the ground between them to crumble.

It has been five weeks since they've touched and the absence of intimacy is both a knife through her heart and a blessing. She wants nothing more than to feel his hand on her shoulder or the warmth of his embrace as she grieves for Sara's death, her own heart break and for Coop's betrayal. At the same time she is grateful for the absence of his touch because it would be an all too painful reminder of what he has chosen to walk away from.

Learning about her past has done nothing to diminish his feelings about her. He told her that he's grateful for what she'd gone through because it led her to him. Of course he realizes that without her creation of the super virus or Coop's alleged death, she would never have been drawn into his crusade. Coop's death had frightened her from pursuing some of her crazier programming ideas, but it had instilled in her a strong desire to make a positive difference in the world. When she saw Oliver's potential for good, she knew she'd found where she was supposed to be. She finally had found her way to making a difference. Every life she helped Oliver save was a way to honor Coop and the sacrifice he'd made for her. But Coop wasn't dead. He let her grieve for him. He let her guilt haunt her for five years. Her life had been built on the lie of his death and she really needed to talk to her best friend about it. Even though they stood within feet of one another, the gulf between them kept them rooted to their spots. She wanted to tell him that she had to walk away from him because she couldn't watch another man she loved commit suicide. Oliver wasn't putting a literal noose around his neck, but he was embracing the inevitability of losing his life to his cause.

So yes, she wanted to scream and shout at him. She wanted to pound his chest and upend tables because the grief of losing him is slowly swallowing her whole. Instead, she smiled and told him that they were all stuck with their families, no matter what. In spite of everything, Oliver is still her family and they are definitely stuck.

_What if Vertigo waited for their second date to fire his rocket?_

_What if Sara hadn't overheard their chatter?_

_What if Oliver never loved her?_

_What if Oliver never crawled into her backseat?_

_What if Oliver never stepped into her office with a laptop full of bullet holes and his beautiful smile?_

Her mom was right. All of her _What ifs_ could destroy her.

She hopes that each step she takes further from him is actually leading her back to her best friend. She really needs to be able to tell someone about her day. She knows that if anyone else were causing her this pain, Oliver would be moving heaven and earth to protect her from it, but he is the one breaking her heart and only she can put a stop to it. A life without Oliver in it is something she can no longer imagine. She is done imagining what might have been. There will be no more, _what ifs_. There is no going back so she must choose how she moves forward.


	6. Choices

**Notes: Here be spoilers.**

**In light of the preview for 3x07, I think there are a lot of Olicity fans wondering how or why Felicity agrees to a date with Ray.**

**The Arrow characters and universe do not belong to me.**

Felicity sat alone in the foundry with the rattling of steam pipes and the hum of her servers providing soothing white noise as she worked. Now that Oliver was living with Thea, Felicity could come to the basement and work on her searches without fearing awkward encounters with her partner. The sound of the alley entrance door closing gave her a small flutter of anxiety. She quickly checked her team's trackers and sighed with relief when she realized her visitor was only Roy. She turned to greet him, but the smile fell from her face when she saw the tension in his shoulders and the angry clench of his jaw. "Oliver isn't here yet. Everything okay?"

Roy stalked towards her, his every step hitting heavily upon the concrete floor. "I'm not here to see Oliver. I want to talk to you." He stopped two feet from her chair and glared down at her.

Felicity felt uncomfortable with their current power dynamic and rose from her chair and stepped around him. She walked towards the large touch screen monitor and brought up one of her searches. "Sure, what's up?"

Roy moved to her side at the monitor. "When I asked you last spring if I'd been out the whole time, you said yes. Why did you lie to me?"

The pain on Roy's face was raw. Felicity placed a gentle hand on his arm. He flinched but didn't shake her touch off. "You had just woken up. We were under attack. It wasn't the right time."

"I don't believe you. I thought this team was about trust and the first thing you tell me when I wake up is a lie. Why?" His eyes were glistening but no tears fell.

"I didn't want to hurt you. I thought you needed time to readjust after getting the cure." Felicity had been trying to protect Roy when she didn't tell him about his homicidal Mirakuru-fueled rampage. He'd looked so vulnerable when he asked her that question as they filled injection arrows with the cure. However, like so much in her life, her reasons for not telling him that night were more complicated than his well-being. The pleading look on Roy's face had her telling him everything. "He needed you and I couldn't afford you having a guilt trip."

"So you lied for him?" Roy pulled away from her. "Did he ask you to?"

"Oliver has never asked me to lie for him." Roy raised an incredulous eyebrow at her statement. "Well, aside from all this," her arms sweeping across the foundry, "he's never asked me to lie." She took a step towards him and reached for his hand. He angrily pulled it out of reach. "Roy, he didn't ask me to lie to you about it."

Roy's temper exploded and he began to shout. "It? It's not an it, Felicity. I killed someone. You had no right to keep that from me."

"What's going on here?" Oliver asked coolly as he stepped off the last stair. "Felicity?" Oliver moved to put himself between the arguing pair, but addressed her. "Is everything okay?"

"Typical." Roy huffed.

Felicity stepped around Oliver. Her own temper flaring at Roy's hurtful accusations. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Roy rolled his eyes at her. "You're the one that says we're a team and that we trust one another, but you're always going to choose him over me."

Roy's statement was a slap in the face. She always put the team first and sometimes that meant prioritizing their individual needs in certain situations. "You're being ridiculous. I didn't tell you to protect you."

"No, you didn't tell me to protect him." Roy spat out as he pointed to Oliver.

Oliver moved to block Roy's view of Felicity, using his back as a protective wall. "Hold on, Roy. It was my decision not to tell you about what happened. This isn't Felicity's fault. If you're going to blame someone, blame me."

Roy's voice came out in almost a whisper. "I didn't ask you what happened, but I did ask her and she lied."

"She was trying to help you." Oliver's voice was gentle as he tried to soothe his apprentice.

Roy snorted in derision. "It's always going to be the two of you, ahead of everyone else. Even when you're all awkward and screwed up, you still defend one another, the rest of us be damned." Roy headed towards the alley entrance.

"Roy, wait. We need to talk this out." Oliver called after Roy.

Roy spun around angrily and shouted. "You two deserve each other."

The sound of the heavy alley door slamming behind Roy caused Felicity to flinch. She sank into her chair, resting her head against her desk. "I screwed up."

Oliver rested his hands on the back of her chair and spoke softly. "You didn't screw up. You made the best decision you could that night. It was the right decision. I made the same decision when I chose not tell him."

"Roy was right." Oliver moved to sit on the edge of her desk, his head tilting in a silent question. "You didn't tell him to protect him from learning he is a murderer. You wanted to spare him pain."

Oliver narrowed his eyes in concern. "So did you."

The need to put distance between herself and Oliver and the truth had her rising from her chair. "No. I didn't tell him because I wanted one more person out in the field fighting for you. I was being selfish because my decision was less about protecting him and more about trying to keep you alive. I did choose you over him." As the words left her mouth she was able to see the truth she'd been blinding herself to. "You're never going to choose me, are you?"

Oliver pushed off the desk and moved towards her, tears in his eyes. "Felicity, I"

Felicity raised her hand to stop his forward movement. "I can't. I'm sorry." She walked quickly towards the stairs, fighting back tears. "I'll be back in a few minutes. I just need some air." Once she stepped out of the club, she let go of the sob she'd been holding in. Her situation with Oliver wasn't getting easier with time, if anything, it was getting harder. She needed to find another way to move past her grief or she would have to walk away entirely.


	7. Where you go, I will follow

**Notes: Here be spoilers about all the 3x09 speculation.**

**The Arrow characters and universe do not belong to me.**

Felicity's steps echoed off the cement walls as she ran down the Foundry's stairs. Her feet landed heavily on each step due to the weight of the bags she carried. "Thank God, you're still here." She dropped all but one plastic bag and crossed the room to Oliver. She pressed the bag to his chest and his hand's reached for it reflexively. Felicity moved to her computers. "You need to be quick. The instructions are in the box. There's a razor in the bag too. That scruff has got to go."

Oliver reached into the bag and pulled out a box of hair dye. He raised his eyebrows. "You're giving me a going away makeover?"

Felicity rose from her chair and lowered the hood of her sweater, revealing a mess of short brown curls. "No, we're getting, going on the run, makeovers."

"Felicity." Oliver's voice was soft as he ran his fingers through her hair.

"You always wanted to know my natural color." Felicity playfully spun where she stood. "Tada." She reached for his hand when she saw his eyes welling with tears. "Oliver, it's just hair. It will grow back and it only takes a few minutes to change the color."

He laughed. "It's not that." He gently tugged on a curl and watched it spring into place. "I like it."

She smiled. "I'm glad. Now it's your turn. I have some stuff to finalize while you're doing your hair." She began to boot up her computers when she realized Oliver hadn't moved. "Your hair isn't going to dye itself."

"Felicity, we aren't going to run away." He said gently.

With her attention completely focused on her system, she responded, "Well, we're not going to catch Sara's killer in the next sixteen hours and you're sure as hell not turning yourself over to the League, which means, we run."

Oliver spun her chair to face him. "You know this isn't possible, right? I can't go on the run. What about everyone else?"

"A .R.G.U.S. is going to protect Dig, Lyla and the baby. Lyla has also agreed to protect Roy. That just leaves, you, Thea and me." She lifted up three Ziploc bags. Each of the bags contained a passport, a driver's license and three credit cards. "I've got the three of us covered. I don't know what we're going to tell Thea, but we need her to cooperate, fast. I think we should go with the truth."

Oliver took one of the bags from her and peered at its contents. "When did you do all this?"

Felicity bit her lip. "Um, about six weeks after you showed up in the back of my car."

"You made us all fake IDs two years ago?" Oliver placed the bag back down on her desk.

"Technically, I bought them two years ago. However, I did create our bank accounts in Switzerland and the Cayman Islands."

"Bank accounts? Do I want to know where the money came from?" He watched as she scrunched up her nose and shook her head. "Okay, how much money is in these secret accounts?"

Felicity sighed. "Let's just say we won't need to worry about getting jobs."

"You have money squirreled away in secret bank accounts and let me think I'm broke?" Oliver sounded equal parts amused and annoyed.

Felicity rolled her eyes and moved to turn back to her computers, but he gripped the top of her chair, holding her in place. "Oliver, this money is for an emergency. You being broke, doesn't qualify as an emergency. Joining the League at gun point is an emergency."

Oliver gently pulled Felicity to her feet by her shoulders. "How long do you think we would have before the League found us? What do you think they'll do to you and Thea when they catch us? Your plan isn't safe."

Felicity placed both of her hands on his chest and gripped his shirt. The distance that had sprouted between them after their disastrous date had disappeared once Ra's al Ghul arrived with his ultimatum. "The League might be made up with the best killer's in the world, but they've never had to go up against me. I can make us disappear. They will never find us, I promise."

Oliver closed his eyes and sighed. "I can't ask you and Thea to spend the rest of your lives looking over your shoulders. I won't ask you to live in fear or give up on a normal life."

"But you can sacrifice yourself for us?" Felicity's loud voice rang off every surface.

"Yes." Oliver said with conviction.

"No! No, you don't get to make that choice for me. I've had to live with your crappy decisions for two months and you don't get to make anymore. You're not turning yourself over to the League. Now, go dye your hair." Felicity pushed against his chest in an attempt to set him into motion.

Oliver grabbed her hands and held them tightly against his heart. "I don't want to spend the time we have left fighting."

"Then go do what I ask." Felicity's voice had gentled as she pleaded with him.

"Felicity." Her name was loaded with everything that had remained unsaid between them.

Fire returned to Felicity. "Damn it, Oliver. I'm not losing you. You're going to have to go through me in order to turn yourself over to the League."

Oliver's voice rose in frustration. "I don't have a choice. I'm not letting Ra's hurt anyone I love."

Felicity rested her head against their joined hands. "Then you can't go. You're hurting me, Oliver. If you leave, you're going to break my heart."

"Felicity." She could tell from his tone that he was begging her to stop.

She took his hands and held them against her heart. "I don't know how or when it happened, but you are coursing through my veins. I can't imagine my life without you in it. You're the most important person in my life. I love you and if you think that you're walking out that door without me - well, it's a good thing that you look the way you do, because you're an idiot."

Oliver's eyes widened in surprise before a smile spread across his face. "Say it again."

Felicity blushed. "You're an idiot." Oliver groaned in frustration. Felicity locked eyes with him and with solemnity said, "I love you."

"Again." He whispered.

Felicity smiled. "I love you."

Oliver cupped Felicity's cheeks. "I love you." His lips crashed into hers. When they were both breathless he rested his forehead against hers. "Okay."

"Okay?" Felicity was unable to keep the surprise out of her voice.

He pulled away and picked up the bag with the hair dye. "We'll do it your way."


End file.
